True Beauty...?

My recent breakup has inspired me to examine what real beauty is. Does is come from within, or is it really just what meets the eyes?

For almost 10 years now, I have been in love with the most physically beautiful man I have ever met. On the outside he was breathtaking(to me at least), but on the inside he was less than cute. The whole experience(I won't go into detail, but it was bad) has forced me to examine what I consider beauty to really be. The most outwardly beautiful person I've ever met turned out to be the WORST person I've ever met. He was hateful, rude, selfish, emotionally abusive, and a shameless drug addict, but the very sight of him made me quiver. He was THAT hot. The most inwardly beautiful person I've ever met is one of the homeliest. He was caring, sweet, patient, ungodly smart, and he was also, chubby, hairy, and had enough bacne to rival the volcanoes of Io(the moon of Jupiter, dummy). WTF is going on with this equation?

I have been a shallow person for many years. Basically my whole life up until this year. If a guy was hot, I would put up with more shit than any sane person would. If a guy was average, he couldn't even get away with leaving a pee splash on the toilet seat. Why is this? I cannot answer that question. But I have learned a valuable lesson. Looks aren't everything, in fact, looks mean NOTHING.

What do I find beautiful in a person anyway, you ask?

Humor
Intelligence
Kindness
Love for animals
A conservative lifestyle
Sobriety
Family values
Adventurous attitudes
Positivity
Maturity
Responsibility
Honesty
Loyalty
Modesty

The next relationship I get into will definitely be based off of inward beauty. I'm tired of getting screwed over by HOT guys.

OMG!!!

Look what we got todaaaaaay! her name is Saphira & she's a stray rescue. She's sooooo sweet, she didn't make a peep on the ride home & took to me & Jeff right away.

I'm officially a cat lady!!!

WTF

Last night I dreamt that I was best friends with Lindsay Lohan. And yes, she was a tanner-streaked, coked out mess in the dream just like in real life. I can't possibly explain this one.

Have I grown old already???

I haven't done a damn thing for like the past 3 halloweens now. Like not a DAMN thing. As in I sat home on my ever-expanding ass all night, barely even cognizant of the fact that it's Halloween. And I'm Pagan too! I don't even do any rituals on holidays anymore. Gah. Halloween should be one of the biggest shindigs of the year for me. WTF is wrong with me. I used to go all out, I used to dress up, go trick-or-treating, go to parties(even though I'm not a party person), or at least go to the lake & light a campfire. My most awesome costume ever was when I was 4- I was a mummy with real wrapped bandages, fake blood & everything. I scared the SHIT out of all the other little kids! Seriously, some of the kids took one look at me & ran away crying. Man, that was a great Halloween.

No more of this lazy BS. Next year, the shit will hit the fan come October 31st.

On a lighter note, I went to the eye doctor yesterday & despite finding out that I have astigmatism(egg shaped eyeballs), I got new contacts. The bitch can see again, hurrah!

AAAAARGH.

You know what really, REALLY @#$%ing sucks? Innocently rubbing your eye & ripping your damn contact in half. Not only does it PINCH YOUR CORNEA, it also necessitates the purchase of a new lens, which I cannot easily afford. I'm going around with one contact in right now. Everything is all blurry yet clear, I'm getting a headache, and I have zero depth perception. Goddamnit.

Birth Control should be mandatory, not voluntary.

You know what irks me to death? People with too damn many kids. We were in Wal-Mart earlier tonight & waited in line behind a couple with 3 kids, one 6 year old who was minding her own business, one infant, and one 3 year old girl who was screaming, crying, and throwing fits the entire time. I overheard them talking to the girl ahead of them in line, telling her they have 10 kids total. WTF. You know, birth control is free from the state. I myself am on the free population control program. It's NOT that hard to not have too damn many kids. You should be considerate of people around you by refraining from breeding, especially if you can't keep the brats from annoying the shit out of everyone else.

You know, I really don't like kids honestly. Babies, toddlers, pre-teens, teens, I hate 'em all. They're loud, smelly, and I just want to slap them. Stupid laws against such actions. And I don't get why some people keep having baby after baby after baby. And it's always welfare people who can barely afford to take care of one baby let alone 4 or 5. You'd think they'd learn how babies are made after the 1st or 2nd one. Sex isn't that good! It's not worth having babies! Yeesh. I once saw a couple with 4 screaming brats buying a pack of condoms. How can you even get in the mood after having that many kids? I know I couldn't. I'd run screaming at the very sight of a dick after getting knocked up that many times.