Any honest, SINGLE guys out there???

So once again, I have been lied to by a male. Big shock huh? I don't know why I even bat an eyelash anymore, I'm so used to it. Maybe I'm still naive enough to think it'll be different every time. Stupid me! This time, it's a guy I've known for 5 years.

I've dated this guy, Justin, off & on since 05. He's a really nice guy. Army sargeant, very disciplined, self-sufficient, decently well-off, good looking, cute dog, nice car, etc. We've always had a lot of fun together, we get along great & have a lot in common. He always took me on nice dates, and we even went to Hot Import Nights one year. We've never been TOO serious since he lives all the way down in Lawton(about 70-80 miles away) and neither of us want a long-distance relationship, but I really liked him & I honestly cared about him. So I NEVER expected to find out what I found out last night. I found out, from MYSPACE of all sources, that he's MARRIED! And upon doing a bit more digging, I found out that he's BEEN married since 2006 and just never bothered to tell me!!!

This is some horse shit. This is a guy who told me that he isn't ready to settle down, that he'd never get married, blah blah blah. Is this kind of crap common or does it only happen to ME? Why is it that every guy I THINK I know turns out to either be an asshole or a lying sack of shit?! Are there any guys out there that are JUST FUCKING NORMAL?!?! Pardon my french but I'm really pissed. And hurt too, I know this guy wasn't the love of my life or anything, but I DID think he was at least a DECENT GUY. Hell, I drove all the way down there to see him just YESTERDAY! I found out a little while ago that he was seeing another girl down there, but he led me to believe they were swingers & that she knew about me. I didn't LIKE it, but like I said we weren't serious(and yes, condoms were used). But a WIFE??? Come on. And this is a guy who got upset after I started dating someone else during one of our "off" periods! I guess it's okay for ME to have to share but not for him!

What the hell happened to gentlemen, and chivalry? Why can't I find someone who has enough respect to just be HONEST with me? Honesty is the BARE MINIMUM that I expect from people, it's the simplest thing in the world to give so why is it so hard to just tell the damn truth? I'm the most easygoing person in the world, you can tell me ANYTHING and it'll be cool. The only time I really get mad is when I have to FIND OUT about it! What is it about my face that just screams "LIE TO MEEE!"??? This happens every damn time I date someone. I always end up finding out about a girlfriend, or a wife, or a kid, or a drug problem, or a criminal record, or a mental illness, or a checkered past... et cetera, the list could go on ad nauseam.

The old saying, 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned' is VERY true:) I have saved all our texts & emails, and I might just tell his wife. Turns out they're NOT swingers, and if she finds out he's dead meat. She's a rather "husky" gal too, and I think he's afraid of her. If he gets away with this he'll never learn anything.

Goddamnit. I know it's just yet another incidence of a guy lying to me, but it still hurts every time.

Random things that are pissing me off today...

*Stupid, trendy baby names like 'Nevaeh'. Pregnant women- please, pick something else. There's gonna be like 10 little reverse-Heavens in every kindergarten class in a few years. And doesn't saying words backwards make them mean the OPPOSITE of their original meaning anyway? So technically, when you name your daughter Nevaeh, you're really naming her Hell. Yeah. Chew on that for a while.

*Commercials with hip-hop theme songs. E-diets & Bally Gym are two offenders that come to mind.

*Dry skin. If I'm not careful my facial skin gets so dry it turns flaky & even scabby. Sometimes I think I have Ichthyosis. I have to use packing tape, yes- PACKING TAPE, every night to get the layer of dead skin off. Stick & pull, stick & pull, that's my skin care routine. If I don't do it it just builds up & then I break out really bad. I'm test-driving a thicker moisturizer, cause this shit just sucks. ~sigh~

*Skin tags. They're so gross, like little neck-warts. Every woman in my family gets them, I have to snip off whole crops of them several times a year. Yes, I cut them off with scissors. No, it doesn't hurt(unless you go too deep, which I've done), and bleeding is usually minimal. Last night I cut off a huge one by my armpit that's been snagging my shower pouf for weeks. Eeeew!

*MY LITTLE BASTARD!!! God, how I hate that goddamn commercial. If you watch Adult Swim you know what I'm talking about.

*Hereditary hirsuitism. One of my major purchases after I get my bills caught up is gonna be a Tria home hair-lasering doohickey. Slavic heritage, while glorious, comes with the price of excess body hair. My mother Nairs her mustache. I wax mine :/

*Also, shaving. I hate shaving. My ankles are a roadmap of old & new scars, and no matter how careful I am I cut myself EVERY TIME I shave, despite the fact that I've had 18 years of practice. Yes, I began shaving at age 11. And yes, it WAS necessary.

*Daytime TV. It's all paternity tests, soaps, and ghetto-college commercials. Idiocracy in the making!

*My mom's shitty attitude. She never has ANYTHING nice to say. If I got an A she'd bitch cause it wasn't an A+. Now, she just bitches about every single thing I say & do.

*Chronic sinusitis. It really sucks to be congested all the time, especially when I'm trying to sing & the high notes come out as pitiful squeaks. And I'm doomed to headaches & perpetually packed sinuses forever unless I have the horribly painful surgery(that I can't even afford anyway) to widen my maxillary drainage ducts.

*The fact that every time I watch Dazed & Confused, I get the urge to get high. I'm anti-drug! I shouldn't EVER wanna smoke pot. Yet I'm seriously considering freezing some pee & making a few calls. WTF.

*My knees, specifically the left one. In Dec. '07 I got in a wreck where I slammed my knees against the dashboard. Ever since then they've been giving me problems, and it doesn't help that everyone except my dad on that side of the family has had knee replacements :-[

Save Haiti!

Everyone PLEEEEEZ donate everything you can spare to Haiti relief efforts!!!

Or, on second thought- DON'T. I won't be donating so much as a red cent. Haiti is a cesspool of crime, disease, and savagery, and I'm sorry it didn't sink into the ocean. Haiti is the asshole of the Caribbean.

Haitians are currently looting stores, piling up dead bodies as roadblocks, and protesting the current relief efforts. Why? because they say it's NOT ENOUGH! It's an entire welfare nation, and now it's New Orleans all over again.

I say let 'em wallow in their own crapulence till they either kill each other or die of famine. We should not help people who DEMAND it, or those who, if the tables were turned, would leave us to rot if we needed their help. I don't see why America helps ANYONE anymore, cause all the rest of the world does is bitch about us and carry on about how much they hate us.

Weird Japanese drinks...

So last summer I went to Soda Pop's with my old boyfriend, and picked up a bottle of bizarre Japanese soda. It's called Ramune, and the bottle is somewhat reminiscent of a blown glass sex toy. Alas, it is a bit too large to actually be USED for this purpose.

It's been sitting in my fridge since July, cause honestly I haven't had the guts to drink it yet. Lets face it- Asians are famous for consuming the grossest shit on the planet. Kombucha, Balut, Kopi Luwak, Natto, Nakji, monkey brains, and Baby Mouse Wine, just to name a few horrifying delicacies. Feel free to Google any of those if you ever need help throwing up. I'm convinced that, in the East, for something to be deemed a 'delicacy' it has to fit into one or more of the following categories:

*rotten
*poisonous
*bugs
*eyeballs
*brains
*animal genitalia
*live animals
*things crapped out by live animals
*things that should never, ever be eaten by any human being under any circumstances

I must warn potential Googlers that many Asian delicacies often involve horrific animal cruelty, so if you're an animal lover like me you might be better off remaining ignorant on how monkey brains & Nakji are traditionally served. I had tears in my eyes after reading about Baby Mouse Wine & Balut. It really makes me wonder- what the @#$% is wrong with the people that eat this stuff. What kind of heartless monster can cook an animal alive, blindly disregarding their suffering, without hating themselves? It's sickening. Yes, some Asians do this. Some animals are cooked & even eaten while still alive, all because some Chinese guy thinks the meat tastes better when cooked this way, or that it'll give him a stronger boner.

But anyway, I digress. With the Asian track record for gross edibles, quite naturally I was wary of this soda. I was afraid it might have nightingale poop, ground up spiders, or cat amniotic fluid in it. But seeing as the ingredients are carbonated water, HFCS, sugar, citric acid, and flavor(though what this 'flavor' consists of is a mystery. It could be anything from lemon juice to human urine), I figured it was probably pretty safe & decided to conquer it once & for all.


The way it's sealed is quite interesting- the bottle is stoppered with a marble, and a plastic opener is attached to the top. To open it, you separate the opener from the packaging, center it on the marble, and push like hell till the marble drops into the bottle.



See the marble?

Pretty neat, I must say. Though actually DRINKING from this bottle was less than efficient. Not only did it feel like I was drinking from a penis(lol), the way the opening is designed, the soda splashes everywhere if you're not careful. I had to put my lips on it & just kind of pour it in my mouth. And I'm sure that somewhere, someone is getting off on that visual. Pervert.

Now, onto the soda itself. It tastes like slightly sweetened carbonated water. I liken it to very watered down Big Red(if you've never tried Big Red soda, then you're missing out). Rather unremarkable, honestly. I expected a bit more of a tongue-punching, judging from the colorful bottle. But overall- palatable, and not that bad.

YAAAY I did it! I drank the bizarre Japanese soda & lived to blog about it.

Telepathy- fantasy or possibility?

The human brain is a most amazing organ. It regulates the entire body, from blinking the eyes to digestion. It is capable of unbelievable feats, and god only knows what it's capable of that we don't even know about yet. If we could unlock the secrets of the brain, there's no limit to what we could do. Case in point- there have always been speculations about whether telepathy, AKA mental communication, is possible. The commonly held belief among the public is that it is not possible(though the popularity of psychic phone lines belies this, lol), but I have a theory that may offer up some insight as to why it actually IS possible.

The human brain basically operates on electricity. It sends out jolts to make your muscles move, your heart beat, your lungs expand, etc. Our brains emit waves as well, kind of like radio waves. What's to say that one person's brain is incapable of 'tuning in' to another person's brain if they happen to be emitting the same frequency? Just like tuning a radio to a specific broadcast. I believe it is entirely possible, although actual occurrences of 2 brains of close proximity being on the same frequency at the same time must be rare. It has happened to me before though, I have had instances of 'shared thoughts'. It almost always happened when I was in a deep relaxation state, almost asleep. It happened just a few months ago with my ex- We were laying in bed & I was falling asleep, and I was thinking about how he had been teasing my dog(a chihuahua) earlier that evening. Bear in mind, I was THINKING about it, I was not SAYING anything out loud. Right after I had that thought, he said OUT LOUD- "I wasn't teasing that chihuahua!". I nearly fell out of bed. I have no other explanation other than that he somehow picked up on my brain waves. If we could somehow learn to CONTROL what waves we emit(and I have no doubt there have been people who have achieved this), I believe voluntary telepathy is entirely possible. Mass mind control- not so much.

I also think brain waves are behind telekinesis too. Who says that a strong enough brain wave can't affect an object? Look at the Hutchison effect- the guy can make shit FLOAT with electric waves!

The brain kicks ass.

Resolutions update

Just a quick follow up to document how well I've been keeping my resolutions.

1. Learn math.

Check. I have acquired a math book(see previous entry) and have actually cracked it open!

2. Losing weight.

Check. I am already 4 pounds lighter, w00t. I have all but ceased the consumption of overly fatty foods & soda.

3. Stop self-destructive behaviors.

Check. I have remained unwavering in my shunning of people who have treated me like shit. I am taking supplements religiously too- Standard multivitamins for general health, Hyaluronic acid for my craptastic joints, Cinnamon capsules for metabolism, and Biotin for hair, skin & nails :)

4. Cherishing real friends.

Check and mate. I'm keeping in contact pretty well, IMO. I'm really making a concerted effort to come out of my shell too.

GO ME!!!

My Birthday Haul

So this year my mom got me some cool stuff for my birthday that I actually WANTED. Oh hosanna, not a single bottle of lotion!



NERD BOOKS!!! The horrendous plaid abortion they're laying on is a really comfy brand-new birthday coat. I had the choice of solid purple, solid black or pink plaid, but I figured the turquoise & brown plaid would go a bit better with my status as an unfashionable social outcast. I love it. I really needed a new coat too. I've been wearing thin little hoodies & freezing my ass off every winter since 07, when my old coat was stolen. This one is cool, it has a removable fleece liner that can be worn as a separate jacket. Now all I need is a pocket protector. Yaaaaay!

OH- and guess what else I got? After lusting after it for the past year but never being able to spare the dough, I finally got a bottle of my favorite perfume(Max Mara Le Parfum, for future gift referencing, wink wink nudge nudge) from my friend Gay Steve(who claims he's NOT, lol), via the discount magic of Ebay. Thanks, you creepy mongoloid :)

10 random things about me.

1. I'm descended from both Vikings & Vlad the Impaler. It is literally impossible for me to NOT be awesome.

2. I'm 29, but I still refuse to cuss or talk about sex in front of my parents.

3. I was born with red hair and blue eyes, and I now have medium brown hair & dark hazel eyes.

4. I walked at 6 months, ran at 8 months, spoke at a year, and knew the order of the planets by the time I was one & a half.

5. I always put on my socks before I put on my pants. I WILL NOT put on pants before socks. Damn OCD.

6. I suffer from dermatillomania. It's a facet of my OCD & in layman's terms- it's skin-picking. God help any zit that dares to spoil my face. My cuticles are always ragged & scabby, and I have chronic dry lips from picking at them so much. It sucks. You have no idea how annoying it is to never be able to sit still & to always feel like you have to be scraping or chewing on something.

7. I have Asperger's syndrome. I don't have a real severe case, but I am on the Autism spectrum. Overall it's not really that bad of a thing to have, honestly. The only parts I really hate are the crippling anti-socialism & extreme emotional sensitivity(I cry REALLY easily over trivial things sometimes). It's also unbelievably hard to sustain a relationship cause its really hard for me to relate to other people. And being the center of attention in public is, to me, more horrifying than being diagnosed with cancer. I get annoyed really easily and have a hard time controlling my temper too.

If ya wanna get technical(and I always do)~

Impaired social reactions are a key component of Asperger's syndrome. People who suffer from this condition find it difficult to develop meaningful relationships with their peers. They struggle to understand the subtleties of communicating through eye contact, body language, or facial expressions and seldom show affection towards others. They are often accused of being disrespectful and rude, since they find they can’t comprehend expectations of appropriate social behavior and are often unable to determine the feelings of those around them. People suffering from Asperger's syndrome can be said to lack both social and emotional reciprocity.

Although Asperger's syndrome is related to autism, people who suffer from this condition do not have other developmental delays. They have normal to above average intelligence and fail to meet the diagnostic criteria for any other pervasive developmental disorder. In fact, people with Asperger's syndrome often show intense focus, highly logical thinking, and exceptional abilities in math or science.

* Average or above average intelligence
* Inability to think in abstract ways
* Difficulties in empathising with others
* Problems with understanding another person's point of view
* Hampered conversational ability
* Problems with controlling feelings such as anger, depression and anxiety
* Adherence to routines and schedules, and stress if expected routine is disrupted
* Inability to manage appropriate social conduct
* Specialised fields of interest or hobbies.

See? It's not that bad.

8. I absolutely love reading smutty fan fiction in my spare time. My favorite pairing is Bella/Jacob, with Draco/Hermione and Snape/Hermione both vying for second. Yes, I'm a sicko ;)

9. I quit shaving my armpits several months ago. And I must admit, it's quite freeing!

10. I think David Bowie & Alan Rickman are the two sexiest old men alive.